The Job Hunt

Finding a job reminds me of dating. This is NOT the sort of association that makes me love job hunting. Of course I'm talking about the kind of dating that led nowhere; dating Annette led to the most blissful years of my life so she's excluded from all future derogatory comments in this post.
Parallel #1: It seems hard to even get an employer (girl) to give your resume (me) more than one quick glance up and down and once they do, 90% of the time, it's all over.
Parallel #2: Once an employer actually takes a little bit of time to get familiar with your resume, they find ALL SORTS of imagined things wrong with you. One of the things most common is they say I don't have enough years of experience which also parallels my dating at one point when a girl thought that she would have dated me except I didn't have enough "years of experience" being a boyfriend and she didn't want to train me. Funny how girls think they can train their boyfriends/husbands, isn't it? Annette knows better. She doesn't even try to train this old dog new tricks. Good thing she loves dogs unconditionally...
Parallel #3: Every now and then when the stars even begin to align, you get a job interview (date). And just like every first and second date, it's just one big exercise in talking about the weather. I mean, come on! Are you really going to get to know truly important information about a person in the first interview? How do I convey to them that I work hard by sitting there chatting about work experience? How can I show them them that I'll bend over backwards to be friendly to everyone and not perpetuate office gossip while I am talking to them about computer programs I know? How do I prove to them that I won't steal their proprietary information by mentioning that as a BYU grad, I am sure glad that Jimmer Fredette was born? And just like your resume, they can still construe anything you say against you if they so choose.
Parallel #4: The costs are huge! Both monetary costs and opportunity costs abound during the job hunt. The cost of gas driving to SLC and back. The cost of certain job hunting sites. The time spent in professional networking seminars, webinars, career workshops, and looking at countless opportunities you're under or overqualified for. (I know those weren't complete sentences and I would only care if I were to send this to a potential employer). And in the end, you could end up single...I mean, jobless.
Parallel #5: You really don't know if you're going to like the job after you get it. The overall compensation might be meager and you can't even guarantee that they won't breech their contract or dump you. Luckily, I ended up with Annette who overcompensates me to the tune of trillions of dollars per year, and I can only hope and pray that I'll be that blessed in the world of employment.

That's more than enough. You've probably all passed out by now and are slobbering on your keyboards. Thus it is. The End